All drama is about something that’s hidden.
– David Mamet
A while back I was managing a group of entry-level employees who never seemed to lack in the drama department. One older woman would decide not to speak to the younger team members, just because. The younger team members took this quite personally and at some point they’d end up in my office in tears.
Then there was the chronically late, attention-deprived team member who showed up after the rest of the team pretty much did his work. Drama ensued. Eventually I fired him for simply not being able to get his card key on the reader by 8 am for 30 consecutive days.
And the gal who was convinced everything was a conspiracy. Convinced someone was reading her email, leaving her anonymous notes by changing her screen saver message overnight (but oddly never kept it to show anyone). Every conversation had at least one sentence that started with, “You won’t believe what I heard from the VP of Something or Other.”
Ugh.
The Problem With Drama
Drama is intensely distracting. Largely it’s negative, and always it’s unproductive. It’s kind of contagious. Collateral damage lands on everyone.
It’s certainly a challenge as a manager.
Colleagues also get dragged in and spun around in it. When you’re caught up in workplace drama you’re not doing your real work, and before you know it, you’re not leaving work on time. And then you’re feeling a little stressed out about both.
Maybe you’ve experienced some of this colleague driven drama in your workplace:
The Gossip Monger
“Someone heard” … there’s going to be a layoff, a new manager, someone’s getting fired, no one’s getting a raise, etc. The Gossip Monger is never productive, always negative. They repeat gossip over and over, often without any substantiation, and zero attempt to deal with actual facts.
The Drama Queen (or King)
Male or female for whatever reason, the Drama Queen or King has a high need for attention, the spotlight, the focus and they drain everyone’s time and energy. Or they intentionally work to stir up trouble.
The Chicken Little
The sky is always falling with the Chicken Little, and it’s always negative.
The Victim
Everything’s being done to them, against them, and there’s some huge universal conspiracy that keeps them spinning and is firmly rooted against their success. And the Victim loves to talk about it.
Let me clarify, in this case I am not talking about real issues of workplace abuse that have been in our headlines so much lately. I’m talking about people who take no responsibility for their success, and blame their own failures on others in the workplace.
You know, “I would have gotten that report in on time but Sasha didn’t get me her numbers. She’s really setting me up to fail!”
So what can you do when dealing with these workplace drama stereotypes?
Let’s start with the basics: Whether it is the drama queen, the gossip monger, or the victim, you can’t control other people. But you can control your response to them. Think of workplace drama as an opportunity to hone your self-advocacy, assertiveness and boundary skills.
1. Walk away.
Just get away from negative people, gossip and falling skies.
- “Oh hey I just remembered that [phone call I need to jump on | stuff I left at the printer | the meeting I need to prep for].”
2. Just say no.
Here are 2 ways you can back away from a gossip monger or bad news bear:
- Express helplessness. Shrug and say “I can’t help you with that one. Sorry.” Then, smile, and ask an unrelated question to clearly change the subject.
- Establish your personal boundary: “You know, I don’t really like to talk about stuff like that, it’s not really any of my business anyway.” Then ask an unrelated question to change the subject.
3. Tell others what you need.
Let others know you want more positive engagement in your day.
- “Hey, I’ve noticed that every time we chat, the conversation is really focused on the negative. I don’t know about you, but I really need a lot of positive conversation around this place. Tell me about something that’s going well for you.”
4. Check for facts.
Drama queens and kings often have little regard for fact. When I hear something in the outrageous, or questionable, category, I push for fact.
- “Oh, wow, that doesn’t sound right. Is that a fact? Or did you just hear that from someone?”
5. Give them feedback.
Sometimes peers are the best to give feedback. Gently let people know how their behavior affects the rest of the team.
- “You know, Pat, when you go on and on about bad news, the new folks on the team find it really upsetting. Maybe you can tone it down a bit.”
- “Hey Jackson we all know you have a big workload. In fact, we all do. If you’re that overwhelmed and overworked, maybe you should talk to your manager about it.”
Action step for you: Next time you get sucked into a workplace drama, try a new technique to deal with it, instead of being frustrated.
Then let me know what happens.
When you take a constructive approach to Workplace Drama, you are building a lasting Career Strategy. Your manager (and your employees) will thank you.
I work in luxury retail and commission based which is great motivational money maker for you and the location. However, there is an employee who always needs to to on top, above and beyond all others.
Don’t get me wrong, a challenge is good, to strive. However, in this situation in my work place it is not a healthy challenge environment. This guy will give you a bad attitude if you are 30% above his MTD sales. So bad that he will try to sabotage you with that bad attitude to ruin your day and create a bad non productive work environment that you, personally lose your drive to strive. Because he will be there with his thick negative energy to ruin your day. I choose to take the higher road and remove myself from his presence by taking a lunch break and wait until the second shift arrives.
There is one important thing that you miss…. What if the things being brought to your attention are true and you know they are…. What Then. simply ignoring them of blowing people off will not fix the problems.
I work at a place with a hostile work environment where narcissistic personalities go unchecked because we are told that’s just who those people are. those people push and push other people relentlessly until they respond and then the person that finally responds is the one who gets the reprimand while the root cause continues to go unchecked and revels in the success of getting someone else in trouble.
When I went through abuse counseling a while back one of the things that I learned was that people treat you the way they do because you allow them to do so. That’s a great concept OUTSIDE of the workplace as I recently discovered the hard way.
Just this past week when I had to discuss work related issues with one of the drama queens she attacked me personally because she had a problem with my boss and she attempted to stop me from doing my job. this is a daily occurrence with her and with others who just like to stir the pot.
I was very careful with my response not to use any innuendo and to be as professional as possible. I told her that I was not going to allow her comments to dissuade me from doing my job and if she had a problem with my supervisor she should take it up with him and leave me out of it. Those were my exact words.
for that comment I was reprimanded for engaging. it was explained to me that it is only abuse if you let it be abuse. That they are aware of the people that are doing this on a continued basis and it is my job to just let it roll off, they are who they are and there is no changing them. this is just a minor issue. some of the bad ones actually swear and cuss at people calling them derogatory names.
I had another project manager call me by mistake a couple of weeks ago and as soon as I picked up the phone and said hello he cut loose with a string of obscenities calling me a dumb, stupid, M.F. a retard, and an A hole. when he realized he had the wrong person he just laughed and ask me if I could transfer him to the correct person so he could yell at them… I said sure, no problem and I hung up the phone without transferring him. I then told my boss about it and he thought it was funny… Nobody should have to put up with that type of abuse. It’s not funny and simply blowing it off or ignoring it does not solve problems, it promotes them!
Well there’s a bit of a difference between “workplace drama”, and a toxic, abusive culture with a pattern of behavior that manipulates and marginalizes the people in it, which sounds like what you describe. It starts at the top with leadership. There’s no excuse or explanation that can justify it. And there are no “quick tips” for managing around it. In many cases it becomes a choice about staying or going.