Communication Challenge #3: Managers

I never learn anything talking. I only learn things when I ask questions. ~Lou Holtz

 

 

 

Ok, today we wrap up our three part “Communication Challenge.” Today, let’s talk about managers.

 

I may have mentioned before that just about 75% of people in the US cite their manager as the biggest source of stress in the workplace.

 

That statistic not only surprised me, it  convinced me that something in the system is completely broken. In my work, I find that in nearly every client issue, the manager relationship becomes a big part of the conversation.

 

Not surprisingly, I work with clients to improve and manage a more productive relationship with his or her supervisor.

 

It’s a two way street.

 

In my research it shocked me to see that many people who become managers aren’t necessarily thrilled about doing so. In fact research shows:

 

1. Fewer than half of new managers believe they understand how to succeed at their jobs.

2. Only 23% actually want to lead other people.

3. Barely one in ten has had any formal preparation for the role.

 

Yikes. It’s no surprise then that the manager – employee relationship has become such a point of consternation in the workplace.

 

Managers are often promoted because they’re good at what we do as individual contributors. Not because they demonstrate some great manager capacity.

 

Do you get along with your manager (whatever that means)?

 

Be that as it may, we still have to figure out how to work together better in the workplace.

 

Often I’ll hear someone say, “I just don’t get along with my manager.” And I ask well, what does that mean, exactly? You don’t like the same kind of food? You have different personalities? You can’t share the company pencils?

 

Most issues are overcome-able with a focused communication and attention. Saying “you don’t get along” is a blocker statement. It invites no action. It prevents you from taking any other action, or having conversation, to resolve or improve the situation.

 

Now, a caveat; sure, there are going to be supremely difficult managers who are just doing things the wrong way and need their own unique brand of counseling. You may see these referred to “bully managers.”

 

That’s not what I am talking about today. Because the majority of issues I work with, Bully Managers aren’t the issue. The issue is a breakdown in communication, and an unwillingness to broach an uncomfortable conversation.

 

This Week’s Challenge

 

So this week my challenge to you is to work on your communication with your manager.

 

• Take some time to think about this; what are the real issues you have with your manager? What is their part in the issue? What is your part in it?

• Choose one item to discuss with your manager in your next one-on-one. Just one.

• Ask if they would be willing to spend time on that issue with you. Talk honestly, without blame or accusation, about your observations. Ask for their perspective on the situation. Ask what you can do together to improve the situation. Propose solutions you think might be effective.

 

Perhaps the first time it won’t go perfectly, but you’ll learn from it. Your manager may hear a message from you he or she hasn’t heard before. It will open the opportunity for other, new groundwork and conversations to happen.

 

Let me know how it goes.

 

Manager conversations can be intimidating because of the whole “authority” piece between you and them. But that should not stop you from moving forward with constructive conversations. After all, you are there to make her successful, and presumably she needs you to meet her goals.

 

If you choose to have this conversation, I’d love to hear how it goes, or what questions you have. Leave a comment below so I can respond to it.

 

 

 

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